Embrace the Horror

This post was written and conceived entirely by Steve Sherman, known to Baltimore sports radio listeners as "Steve from Homeland." I hereby approve this message:

The Cusp of Greatness

When it comes to the Baltimore Orioles, fans like us are on the cusp of witnessing true greatness. Well, greatness at being not great. Greatness at losing, greatness at failing, greatness at sucking. And I think that's –well- great!

The Orioles (16-42, .276) are on a pace to win less than 30 percent of their games this year. In the last 60 years (that’s 60 with a “6” and “0” next to it), there have been two teams that have finished the season with less than a .300 winning percentage. The 1962 Mets* and 2003 Tigers-- That's it. Two teams. Yes, 2.

I calculated the following: 60 years X a rough average of 30 teams in the league= 1,800 seasons. The Birds are on pace to be ranked 1,798 (with luck maybe 1,799th or even 1,800th!). I say dare to dream.

Club 200

The O’s need to win less than 49 games to finish the season with a winning percentage that starts with a 2, which I hereby dub, “Club 200."

This is the kind of club that the B-Rated Hollywood stars go to at 4:00 a.m. to snort Oxycontin right off the lacquered tables. It’s so uncool, that it’s super cool. I’m picturing the bar scene in Star Wars and then Dana Plato , Gary Coleman , Todd Bridges does stand-up and starts puking out his teeth. Next thing you know, John Waters walks in with two trannies and you wake up 2 days later with no kidneys or wallet. The point is – Club 200 is an interesting (albeit disturbing) place to be.

And if the Orioles' season is going to be terrible (which it is), let it at least be interesting.

You Have to Earn You Way into Club 200

It's easy to be sort of terrible. Hell, the Pirates, Royals and even our Orioles have won in the recallable past. The Old Senators (think baseball, not Robert Byrd**) were never in Club 200. Even current terrible teams like the Astros can’t expect an invite. (Astros are at .390!).

But Orioles fans . . . we can expect an invite.

When the slit in the door opens, and the bouncer sees our squad of misfits (Izturis will need a box to stand on so he can be seen), we’re all getting in. First round is on Atkins.

I look forward to my captain and coke with Crowley.

Dare to Dream gentlemen, Dare to Dream-

Written June 9, 2010 by Steve Sherman

* The Mets’ Marv Throneberry was once ruled out after hitting a triple. He had missed both 1st and 2nd base.

** Robert Byrd (WV) was in the Ku Klux Klan and has served as Senator for 51 years.

*** By the way, the 1906 Cubs have the best record of all time at 116-36 (.763)—which is a real kick in the ironic pants.